I’m an unemployed writer

I wake up in the afternoon and there’s dim light
it’s been raining for however long
the sky is overcast and miserable
I wear my thrift black suit and my nice tie
because it makes me feel almost functional
my fat black cat with drooly face and the mental problems
is waiting outside my door, ready to trip me
slamming into me like a cannonball
because he’s hungry and my preachy white
sister with the mental problems
borrowed all the family’s money and skipped town
and we haven’t seen her since –
we think she’s in Quebec, but we could be wrong –
and there’s nothing but the single crust of bread in a twisted off bag
messages in the crumbs like tea leaves that form the words “ha ha asshole”
there isn’t even jam to wipe a forced smiley-face across it
or butter for runny yellow tears for that matter

I should be looking for work
I have a stack of resumes in a red folder
on top of the computer tower that are
waiting patiently to be handed out
rejected and recycled
“Hey look, Frank, this guy says
he’s a professional adventurer
and has a level 60 Necromancer in
World of Warcraft”
“he probably bought the account, dave”
“so close, Frank, he almost had the job!”
they laugh and use my resume to roll a gigantic
blunt, lighting it with a burning American
dollar bill

I’d rather not try
instead investing my time and effort
into writing the next great Canadian novel
so i can be respected and remembered
like Farley Mowat or…
anyway it’d be nice to finish my novel
the one that’s in my head
I’ve been thinking very hard about it
when I talk on MSN and masturbate
languidly in the summer heat

so much frustration and so little ambition
Jason mentions writing something new for the radio
but I’ve already mentioned masturbation once
and hardly want to scroll up to edit it out
so instead I’ll sit here in my
suit with the arms rolled up
smoking cigarette butts in my pipe and
pretending to look happy
which is harder than waking
up, being hungry, writing novels
and forcing poems put together.

If anyone is interesting, you can hear Sharp and Wynd drop their mad poetic stylings all over air-waves – on the internet! Tune in tonight between 10 and 12:30 EST on CKMS 100.3 Sound FM on “The Smokin’ Word with Mr. Green”.